Skip to main content

An Existentialist Post - Axat's 6hourism

 So now that I’m into my forties, I’m proper middle aged , which reminds me of middle earth. But that’s just another escape from reality I like to lose myself in. In college I used to burn myself with lit cigarettes, mainly on my forearm but occasionally on my chest and neck, as a way of dealing with what I thought was life’s unfairness towards me. I hurt no one except myself, and I still don’t when I end up hitting myself. Thankfully I’ve not become mad enough to draw blood for a long time now, but there were instances. I blame me. There’s no one and nothing to put my actions on but me. I’m unstable, just not all the time. I project a happy face to the world because that’s what they want. But now I’m forty, and I’ll face my mortality by knowing that I’ve lived life under clouds of self doubt and feeling like a failure, and yet I’ll keep trying to achieve more forever until my last breath, when my mind dies. I believe in hope, and positive patience. 6hourism.

https://youtu.be/-xJmSjiTCbQ

I procrastinate like crazy, but not today! lol

Let me warn you now. The first rule of Axat Club is - videos will go on as long as they have to - or when the memory on my trusted Sony Digicam runs out in this video. I am Axat, and I am spiraling down into the rabbit hole of my hypochondriac hallucinations about imaginary illnesses.

Symmetry type - recent, about 5 years

OCD 23 42 54 - JC’s 23, HHGTTG, S’na

Twitchy thumb - likely due to atrophy

Prostate scare - family genetic history

Various ills lolz from wiki walking and celeb death (especially at young ages)

An overall nihilist outlook but in 6hourism I trust and I keep on living as a psychopomp

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Quotes

I don't think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. W. Somerset Maugham Ralph Waldo Emerson - "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

A Cascade of Conversations.

It is a convenience to not have to type a datestamp, so I waste a line on it. The conversation I had with Mr. Malik was hurried; if its depth were to be mapped by sonar, it would be very irregular. The air time was pretty evenly divided, I think, although I know my egotistical thought process gives me way more credit than I'm due for. Still, no, wait, not still, I also committed a grave error of leaving out a person from my life history, despite saying in the same conversation, at a different point of time, words to the effect that a nurtured grievance tends to intensify negatively over time. I hope I have not slipped up too badly. Mahak pressed the red button when I called right now. With Mum, I knew in my heart she knew I was going to be serious about Mahak. Hence, at an opportunistic moment was exploited to full advantage, meaning no negativity whatsoever, and Mum accepted the news with good humor; I think her apprehensions are going to wait till December. Now, I have two things...

Money

By Pink Floyd Excellent song. The lyrics pertain to (most probably) the group's experience itself. As such, it is funny and humorous, poking fun at the system of media barons and "chart" economics.  I relate to it even more these days, when all I need is money. I am at peace, content, moksha-esque, even - but I do need money for subsistence. Which reminds me , how do I monetize my writings? Time to fire up the Vaio.