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i tried. this time i did. too little too late. regret is setting in, but i know i must avoid that. tomorrow is hopeless, and that starts off despair as well. will i ever be able to do all this? eventually i will have to, no matter what i do right now. it's just a matter of that ultimate bane - time. time management. that is the subject we need. yesterday while trying to sleep i was amazed by the speed and shape of thoughts going through my head...i can hardly remember any of it now, but even my dreams were moving seamlessly from one scene to another. every word, every phrase, every sentence triggered an avalanche of possibilities; and into one of these went my thoughts, only to be encountered with another tree of choice. choice - take it or leave it. yes or no. true or false. sad or happy. life or death. choice is everywhere.

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I don't think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. W. Somerset Maugham Ralph Waldo Emerson - "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
keep the mind occupied. working all the time, not letting it wander back to the sordid fact of having to face this place for a whole month. especially that fact. thirty days of...of...i don't know what and what's more, i don't WANT to know. i wish i had an escape from this.